December 11, 2017 by Kgalalelo
It’s really difficult for me to let go of friendships I have built over the years. I have tried a number of times but gosh, I failed most of the time. I happen to love my friends, old and new alike; friends from high school, university and those I’ve met in my previous employment. As soon as they do the so called ‘moving on’, I realise that I hang on to how things were when we were together. I’ve easily let go of vehicles I’ve purchased and sold, then bought new ones and embraced those; I’ve moved out of dwellings I’ve purchased and then sold and moved to new ones with ease and forgotten about the old in a split second but letting go of friends has been the hardest.
I should in fact revisit the valuable teachings I received from the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University in 2003 about detachment. I was taught the art of detaching from thoughts and emotions, which I had to learn, frees us from struggle. Attachment to people is as a result of the thoughts and emotions we hold on to about those people and what they mean to us. We therefore suffer when they are no longer there instead of becoming ‘detached observers’ and merely notice how their presence or non-presence has affected us. Observing what is happening and looking at it from another perspective assists us in not becoming victims in life.
When you detach emotionally, you are able to let go of others with love because the highest understanding of what is occurring kicks in. I had to remind myself that all of us, as I was taught, are actors in our own plays or drama of life and everyone is playing their roles accurately, therefore, when we remember to view things at that vantage point, we see the bigger picture.
When I envision, however, from a humane level or body consciousness, I think we get attached to each other because we are energetically connected and we tend to merge the energies more than required sometimes. I have had friends who stopped communicating with me because we all lost touch with one another and moved to different cities, however, whenever we met, I got pretty excited and wanted to rekindle the friendships as emotionally and energetically, I never really departed, it seemed. Others would be as equally excited as I would be, however, some simply outgrew the friendship. I have learnt that when you detach you essentially remember who you are as a soul.
I once dreamt of a friend moving away from me. In the dream, we were at a stadium and she went to the other side of the arena, found a sit and looked away. I tried to wave but she didn’t look my way as if trying to avoid me. The stadium appeared empty and she was the only one I could see. I was troubled by the dream when I woke up but never told her when she called me in the morning. I wanted to observe if indeed the night vision I had was real. It felt so and I couldn’t shake it off. It was not a surprise to me when she began vanishing from sight. She suddenly didn’t call as much anymore and whenever I called she disclosed that she was too occupied. She would send me forwarded messages but never truly communicated as before.
It had been revealed in a dream that she was engaged in other things and wished to focus on her new found passions and this brought sorrow to me. I had been pre-warned but even so it was tough to accept that this friendship could have come to a temporary or complete end. For days, I was uncomfortable with her ignoring me but had to understand that she had stuff on her plate and that change is a part of life. I once heard Iyanla Vanzant, an inspirational speaker say that people come into your life for a reason, for a season and for a lifetime. When that happens, you better know what time is it. Possibly the friendship was meant to last for a short while or it needed a break and then resume after some time. I didn’t know and it was hard to guess.
I practiced self-talk at that time and convinced myself that the long-term relationships reveal themselves sooner or later and I have to recognise that and be alert to conversations with friends as those would indicate the direction the friendship has taken or would take, whether it has come to a cul-de-sac, it’s a winding road or a straight path. Those who were meant to walk the path longer with me would, and those who were short distance runners to teach or remind me of certain things would also be made public. As soon as a friendship is dissolved, that should be acceptable too. I need to take this as a blessing and move on.
I usually thank God every night before I go to sleep for ‘everything’ and I never considered how deep that prayer is, that it encompasses even the difficult times because everything serves a purpose. There is a reason for everything and we need to embrace all things as they show up in our lives. It could be that I was not meant to carry some people with me on my journey, they could delay or even derail me, and so, whilst crying for them, I was in reality being saved.
We need to look at things in a broader sense and find positive aspects in all things. It is my constant prayer that I could remember this all the time, that I may stop brooding over people when they start viewing our friendship with a different lens. I should bless them and allow them to be who they are or want to be in that moment. I could have been brought into their lives to propel them forward for a time being and thereafter allow them to fly on their own.
When we go into the Bible, the Israelites where given strict instructions also not to be entangled and marry across other nations as they would be easily derailed and lose their focus in God. Their interrelations with other nations had the potential of making them forget the God of their forefathers, who rescued them from Egypt. Prospects of worshipping foreign gods through intercultural marriages were high. God has a purpose for all of us and unfortunately there are people we can’t take with us into our promised land. There are people who are not suited for the unfoldment of God’s plan in our lives and we need to take notice and let go.
We need to see opportunity in every undesirable situation in life which is the opportunity for growth and development, expansion and advancement. We also need to see things holistically as we are one. When people detach themselves from you it could be beneficial for the evolution of the entire universe because they also have a different mandate to fulfil and they too need a different set of souls to assist in their evolution and the evolution of the earth. When we remember who we are as a collective that we are souls, having come to birth to fulfil different missions, detachment becomes easy and the loss of a friendship is viewed from the highest level of understanding, meaning, the soul level. It allows us also to introspect and examine whether we have deviated from the blueprint of our lives.
We should, therefore, be grateful to God when things don’t go our way sometimes because God could be preparing us for something else. He could be fashioning new relationships for us that are more beneficial for His next step in our lives. We can’t reach out for the new if we are still moping around the old. There is always a silver lining on every dark cloud and light at the end of the tunnel. God would never leave us without companionship, if we can’t have physical companions for a while, He is ‘The Companion’. He is the Chief Confidante, Acquaintance, Comrade, Buddy, Mate, Associate, Partner, Consort, Ally and a true Friend indeed!
Footnote: Scriptures taken from the The Holy Bible, New King James Version, 1982: Nashville, TN, Thomas Nelson, Inc. &
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Kgalalelo Saane Mphephuka
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