February 4, 2019 by Kgalalelo
The past week was emotionally exhausting for me, there were just too many things on my plate; school activities, work challenges, delayed aspirations and personal trials and all of these resulted in tension headaches that I had everyday for the entire week. I began this year with high optimism and all of these tests were throwing me off. I was unsure if I would be able to blog today as I could not concentrate nor read on my laptop. I thank God that I feel better now and will schedule an appointment with the doctor for a thorough examination. I’m certain she will be able to give me something that would ease the tension and help me focus better. The first time I had such headaches was at university when I was still studying. I was referred to an optometrist by the general practitioner and received my first pair of glasses. I never knew that there was a correlation between headaches and the eyes which resulted in me owning glasses. I’ve gone regularly for eye tests ever since not because I enjoyed it but it became necessary.
I would like to focus better from this week onwards, take a few steps back and see where I’ve finished off with my plans and follow through. I was full of energy in the beginning of the year as any other person and we need to learn to sustain that vitality. Usually, we are afraid of admitting that we have lost track sometimes, even though we started well and the secret is that when you fall down, get back up again. It doesn’t matter whether people are watching you and thinking that you are failing, you know yourself and what you intended to do for the year and the best thing is that you have God on your side. Never be afraid of asking for His help and repenting for having demonstrated a lack of trust in Him.
I never looked at things this way until Saturday morning while I was still sleeping, it felt like I was half awake and half asleep and dreaming at the same time and the Holy Spirit was telling me that I have removed my eyes from the Lord as the source of everything and thinking that I was in control of my own strength, provision, sustenance and guidance. I was also accusing others in my heart for not resolving issues that I felt had a direct impact on me thus resulting in me having to solve those problems myself. I was full of anger, bitterness, resentment and was overwhelmed.
I was like Martha in the bible. The bible says in Luke 10:38-42 that “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one, Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
I was distracted by all that was happening around me and things that I thought were not happening, that I wanted to happen. There seemed to be delays in my plans that depended on other people to come to fruition and it felt like my brain was about to explode. Everywhere I looked, there were people around me who were not moving at the pace I wanted them to move and doing the things I expected them to do and react in ways I thought were appropriate. I realised that I was slowly sinking into depression and I was screaming for help inside me.
I awoke at 9:00 a.m. on Saturday, which was unusual for me. My normal waking time on Saturdays is between 6:00 -7:00. a.m. and I normally wake before everyone at home. I must have been dreaming the whole thing but because I knew that it was true and God uses any means to reach out, when I woke up, I thanked the Lord for reminding me of my shortfalls and making me realise that I was not walking with Him anymore but on my own and was about to crash. I was heading in the wrong direction and far away from the light and deeper into the dark alley. God is good to us and He never let us perish. As He says in His word that He wants every sinner to come to repentance when you realise that you have missed the mark (2 Peter 3:9).
The new year is fairly young and even though we have good intentions for the next eleven months, there will be challenging moments that causes us to lose our way but that doesn’t mean that we should give up, rather it says, step back and see the goodness of the Lord. Count your blessings and think about similar ways when God lifted you up and gave you renewed strength and hope.
The bible says,
“Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint”.
It doesn’t matter how many times you fall in the course of this year but it is important for you to get back up again. The constant headaches were an indication that indeed our adversary, the devil, “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). He looks for an opportune time to pounce on us and if we take away our eyes on the Lord, he takes advantage of the situation and snatches us. John 10:10 says “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy”; but Jesus says that He has come that we may have life, and have it to the full. He says that He is a good shepherd who lays His life for the sheep. “The hired hand is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep” (John 10: 11-13).
The Lord’s eyes are always on the sheep, His children, and like any other parent, always watches over the flock. In Luke 15: 4-7, Jesus answered the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who were accusing Him of eating with the tax collectors, by saying to them, “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbours together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent”.
I rejoiced when I woke up from my dream knowing that the Lord was saying to me ‘I will not let you slip away and be eaten by the wolves’. I was heading in the direction of the forest and was walking the path alone and had let go of the hand of Jesus but because He is a good shepherd though He saw me walking on my own, He grabbed me by the hand realising that I was heading for disaster.
I was in church yesterday and the pastor prayed for all of us who had ailments in our bodies and declared healing over us. He said sometimes when healing is proclaimed, it doesn’t mean that the ailment disappears on the spot, sometimes it doesn’t but we have to believe that we have received and that God has healed even if we don’t feel or see the evidence; because God has said it, it is so. We have to believe like children for the bible says they are the ones who will see the kingdom of God because they believe without question, they are not sceptical, they take you by your word (Matthew 18:3). We often reason things out and doubt that God will do what He says. We forget that He says in 2 Corinthians 1:20 that His promises are Yes and Amen in Christ. If you are in Christ, then every promise in the bible is for you and you can claim it for yourself.
Footnote: Scriptures taken from the The Holy Bible, New King James Version, 1982: Nashville, TN, Thomas Nelson, Inc. & The ESV Global Study Bible®, ESV® Bible, Copyright © 2012 by Crossway. All rights reserved & The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
Kgalalelo Saane Mphephuka
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